Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I love you.
Bad choice
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
