I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Randomize
