I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
