All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
He shit in the fireplace
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
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