i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Randomize
