It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
