He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
