Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
PS: I just woke up from my shower
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
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