im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
