well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
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