He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
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