Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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