you guys were way drunker than both of me
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Houston, we have a blender
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
