Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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