I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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