i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
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