My hair reeks of homosexuality.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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