Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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