These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Randomize
