Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
These 19 Underage Drinkers Epicly Got By With A Horrible Fake ID
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
These Are The 21 Strangest Sexual Fantasy Confessions
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.