you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
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fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
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Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Please. i have SOME standards
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car