I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once