So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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