What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize