those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
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