you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
