he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
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