Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
