I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
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afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
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my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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