Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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