She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
