So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
