it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
