woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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