Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
