I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
