I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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