He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
