at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
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