Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
