I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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