they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
