Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Randomize
