I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
