When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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