just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
