apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
