the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Randomize
