First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
