There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
