I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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