My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
