im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
