Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
