She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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