"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
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