Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
We need to rekindle our bromance
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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