why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
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