so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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