i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
