i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
