That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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