i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
