What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
