Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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